Being an entrepreneur hasn’t been easy. I didn’t realize it at the beginning, but it’s quite a change from the 9-to-5 job. At first, being an entrepreneur meant to me that instead of working days and burning late-night oil on the projects I loved, I could devote all my time to those projects. And largely, it’s the same then as it is now. However, what I’m just beginning to feel as the months go by, is a loss of purpose. The reason I’m writing this blog post is to try to help myself figure it all out; so please bear with me.
What I mean by a loss of purpose is that in my 9-to-5 life, my goal was to get my work done and then go home and work on the things I really liked. Nowadays, without my knowing, my goals have shifted: I spend all day (and all night too) working on the things I am passionate about, but I’m now more focussed on the payoff: how this project will enable myself to continue living. It’s a subtle shift, but an important one to consider.
Perhaps the best analogy I can think of to illustrate my predicament is the difference between amateur and professional photographer (somebody illuminated this to me on a photography forum I frequent, photo.net). There are many amateur photographers out there that want to “turn pro.” They love their hobby, they love shooting pictures. However, what they don’t realize is what being a professional photographer is all about. An amateur photographer shoots photos when they feel like it: when inspiration hits him or her, when on vacation, when the weather is just right. For a professional photographer, shooting photos is their work. They must shoot photos to make a living. They must shoot rain or shine, whether they are having a good day or bad, and without any form of inspiration. A pro-photographer doesn’t always have a choice of what subject matter she shoots. It’s work (but of course rewarding if you are good at it).
In my case, my passion (of building a community that helps people plan travel) is now my work. If my purpose is to build this community, sustain it, and keep improving upon it, I need for there to be payoff, and to be able to sustain myself with it - TripTie and myself living in mutual symbiosis (to borrow a word from twelfth-grade Biology class).
Thanks for reading. I think I just needed to verbalize it.
May 15th, 2006 at 4:48 pm
Hi, I just wanted to say that this was an excellent post. I agree with you that being an entrepreneur and running your own business is vastly different than working for someone else — in ways that aren’t patently obvious. You said your problem is a slight shift in your goals or purpose. I can totally understand that.
My problem is that I have a hard time relaxing. Since I mostly work from home and usually have more projects than I can handle, it’s hard for me to just sit back and watch TV for an hour or whatever. I always feel a bit of guilt about not being “more productive,” even if this means working 12+ hours a day, seven days per week. This is definitely a recipe for burnout!
May 16th, 2006 at 9:36 am
Thanks for the comment Panasianbiz. I completely know what you mean. Sometimes I think that from an outside point of view, it is very easy to mistake that guilt for passion - “Man, Bob works so hard, 12+ hours a day. He must really have passion for what he is doing.” If only they knew we just felt guilty, eh?
May 16th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
I think you said it best when you said you needed a payoff. As soon as you release TripTie and see how people are using it I think your sense of purpose will be renewed. Right now you are so close to it, it is easy to forget how far you have come and how great it already is.
Also, I think it’s time to debunk a myth that “turning pro” is only about pursuing your passions full-time. While the primary motivation for pros/entrepreneurs is often just to create something new, the reward (financial, social and mental) is a critical component. Businesses have to make money, so they can afford to keep going and be of value to the community. For example, professional photographers have to make money selling their photographs, or they have to get another job and then then it reverts back to being a hobby.
Panasianbiz — I understand completely about this guilt, but have learned the hardway recently that a burnt out mind makes mistakes and is not nearly as valuable as one that has had a rest.